Nothing much to add of my own here, concerning Kevin James’ next blockheaded family comedy, The Zookeeper. It’s basically about a zookeeper (see the connection?) who sucks at dating and is hung-up on one particular hottie (a revolutionary plot, eh?) and starts getting romantic advice from the animals in the zoo. Shit you not. Obviously, it’ll make at least $75 million and keep the James movement a-truckin’ after Paul Blart: Mall Cop apocalyptically made over $100 mil.
The one good thing about The Zookeeper, though, is that physical force of nature Rosario Dawson has just joined up, presumably as the girl of the zoo dude’s dreams. Can’t knock him for that selection. Rather than question why Dawson would sign on to this project, other than cashing a sweet paycheck, I’m going to hand the mic over to Film Drunk, one of the funniest movie blogs out there. Here is yesterday’s post:
Variety today reports that beautifully big-breasted actress Rosario Dawson has signed on for The Zookeeper, opposite Kevin James. What’s The Zookeeper, you ask? I’ve told you before, but you probably repressed the memory like the time your uncle showed you the bananafish.
Live actioner centers on zoo animals trying to teach the keeper their methods of dating and mating to help him win back the woman of his dreams.
(*pounds head on desk*)
Project reteams “Paul Blart: Mall Cop” producers James, Sussman and Garner (”Sorcerer’s Apprentice”). MGM won a bidding war last year for the “Zookeeper” spec, paying $2 million against $3 million, while the studio was ramping up a slate of homegrown projects.
(*cocks pistol, aims at temple*).
Writer: “I WROTE A SCRIPT!”
MGM Exec: “OMG WHATS IT ABOUT!”
Writer: “ITS LIKE HITCH, BUT WILL SMITH IS A ZEBRA!”
MGM Exec: “I ONLY HAVE ONE QUESTION: DOES IT RAP!”
Writer: “HAHA! OF COURSE!”
MGM Exec: “OMG PRICELESS! HERE’S TWO MILLION DOLLARS! LET’S HOLD HANDS AND F*CK!”
That’s some real egghead wit, I tell you.